There has been much written about emotional intelligence showing the more emotional intelligent leaders are the most successful.
But what makes someone more emotionally intelligent than another?
There are many tools that will allow you to assess your EI (Emotional Intelligence) however; you don’t need to use them. You could do a quick self-assessment by reviewing these 5 elements:
Self-Awareness
This, for me, is the most important component and transcends all elements of leadership. My belief is that you cannot lead others until you first learn to lead yourself. Those with higher levels of self-awareness tend to be confident and self-assured. When you are self-aware you can recognise your own particular emotional reactions to situations. You understand your moods and how they affect others.
Self-Regulation
To have emotional intelligence, not only are you aware of your own emotions, you are also able to control them. You act according to the situation. You don’t suppress your feelings. You know the right time to express them and the right way in which to do it. You’ll be great at managing conflict and diffusing difficult situations. Something many of us struggle with. You also take full responsibility for your actions.
Empathy
You are able to ‘emotionally read’ others, to understand how others are feeling. If someone is feeling down or sad, you have the emotional toolkit to manage the situation without it impacting on your own emotions. You can bring people’s moods up without bringing yours down. You can earn the respect and loyalty of your team and stakeholders by showing them that you understand.
Social Skills
Being able to interact with others is so important in all areas of life. It builds trust and respect. You need to know when to listen and when to act. Give praise where it’s due, communicate clearly and resolve any conflicts in a calm and controlled manner.
Motivation
Last but by no means least, is motivation. Emotionally intelligent people are motivated to achieve their own internal goals. It’s not just about money, status and recognition. They understand their values and how they inform their decision-making.
An Emotional Intelligence Exercise
This activity can be used whenever you want to understand what is causing you to feel in a certain way.
Albert Ellis (a psychologist) identified that every feeling has an activating event, which create a rational or irrational belief(s) and self-talk. When we act on any irrational belief or self talk our behaviour can be less impactful. If you have been in a situation recently where you know you could have handled it better use this process to identify what you could do differently next time.
Take an emotion that may be getting in your way, or you know you need to manage more positively e.g. anger, irritation, impatience, frustration.
Step one: Identify the event that triggered the emotion e.g. the comment someone made, the number of errors in a piece of work.
Step two: Identify the self-talk and beliefs you hold around the event e.g. He never seems to be happy with what I do! She never pay’s attention to detail – does she think I’m stupid! What ever you think or believe write it down – it doesn’t mean it’s true.
Step three: For each belief and statement list the consequences. How do you feel? What’s the emotion and behaviour it creates e.g. I become irritated and stop listening; or I get frustrated and start criticising others
Step four: Now identify how you want to be handling the situation differently and start practicing.
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
Golda Meir
